Remembering Brian

I found out this morning that my friend Brian passed away last month.  I wish I had known sooner, I would have loved to have been at his funeral. 

I met Brian in grade school.  He wasn't like the rest of the kids.  He was big, loud, socially awkward and didn't have many friends.  We didn't know it at the time, but Brian was autistic.  I don't remember him well from grade school or even junior high, but I do remember that other kids made fun of him, and picked on him. 

It was toward the end of my 9th grade year, Lagoon Day, to be exact, that I really started paying attention to Brian.  I was there with all of my friends.  We were laughing, flirting with the cute boys, enjoying the rides, having a blast, when we noticed Brian.  He was all alone, looking for something on the ground.  We stopped and asked if we could help him find whatever it was he was looking for.  He said that he was looking for a quarter so that he could call his mom to come get him (back in the day we didn't have cell phones, he needed a quarter so he could use a pay phone to call home.)  We gave him a quarter and then left him to go to our next ride.  That decision weighed on me all summer.  Giving him a quarter was nice, but we should have invited him to ride the rides with us.  Instead, he called his mom and went home. 

Sophomore year changed my relationship with Brian.  During the first few days that year I noticed that during lunch Brian was always sitting by himself.  Perhaps it was the guilt I had felt from my poor decision at Lagoon that prompted me, but I told my friends that I thought we should go sit by him.  They were all for it.  After that, every time we saw Brian sitting alone at lunch, we would sit with him.  The first few times we sat at his table the conversations were pretty awkward.  We would ask him questions, and we didn't get much more than a grunt in return.  Eventually though, we all became friends.  This went on all through high school.  I didn't have any classes with him, and I rarely saw him in the halls, but I always sat by him at lunch. 

Then one day during senior year he slipped a note inside my locker.  I was locker partner with my friend Mindy who had also befriended Brian.  The note was addressed to both of us.  My heart broke as I read it.  It said something like...there had been times when he had wanted to take his own life, but then he remembered his friends, and that kept him from doing it.  We were worried about him, so we went to his house to talk to his mom, show her the note, and express our concern.  She thanked us for our friendship with Brian and especially for caring about him.  We were some of the few who really did.

Later that year he asked me on a "date".  He had never been on one, and I couldn't say no.  I went over to his house and we made dinner together, homemade fettuccini noodles which I believe we turned into fettuccini alfredo.  It was a fun night.  Later he invited both Mindy and I to go with him and his parents to see Les Miserables.  I was tempted to say no, because the tickets were so expensive, but it would have shattered him, he was so excited.  We all had a lovely evening!  Brian was obsessed with Les Mis.  I don't blame him, I love it too. 

After graduation I didn't see as much of Brian.  He did send me an invitation to his eagle court of honor which I was happy to attend.  He also asked Mindy and I to sing at his mission farewell, which was such an honor.  After that we lost touch.  I moved to Connecticut to be a nanny, then went on a mission, then got married.  I ran into him every once in awhile, usually at the hospital or doctors office.  He seemed to be struggling with his health.  It wasn't until I discovered Facebook that I reconnected with Brian.  We exchanged a few messages back and forth in the beginning, but not much. 

When it was time for our 20 year high school reunion I wondered if Brian would be there, and sure enough, he was.   It was a pleasure to be able to introduce him to Ben.  We chatted with him for quite awhile that night, reminiscing.  That was the last time I saw him. 

20 year high school reunion
7 months pregnant

Brian passed away last month of pneumonia, and while I am sad for his family, I can only feel happiness for him.  I know we all have our challenges, but it seems to me that Brian's were much more difficult than what most of us have to face.  I am so glad that he is finally home, finally whole. I feel blessed to have been able to have known him, and to call him my friend.  Love ya Brian!