SB 122

We are thrilled with the passage of Utah state bill 122 that creates an equal parenting plan for divorced parents. The bill passed unanimously. It went into effect on May, 5 2021. It will give good parents equal access to their children, and children equal access to their parents.  We are hopeful that other good fathers, like Ben, will never have to endure what we have endured.  

For a decade, Ben has had to fight to have the opportunity to be able to spend time with and be a greater influence in the lives of his children.  His ex conversely, has consistently fought to limit his time and interaction with them.  

This is our story:  

10 years ago, while living in Mexico, Ben's then wife decided to file for a divorce.  She took their children and moved to Utah.  This crushed Ben.  He arranged with his employer to visit his children monthly while waiting for the divorce to go through.  Soon thereafter, he asked for a transfer to Las Vegas because it was the closest location within his company to his kids.  After Ben and I got married, we began driving from Las Vegas to Utah every other weekend to see his children because he wanted to be involved their lives. It was amazing and beautiful to see his level of commitment to them.

Eventually, we moved back to Utah to be closer to the kids. Ben took a huge pay cut to do this which was a blessing in disguise. Because of his reduced salary we had no choice but to go to mediation to reduce child support and alimony.  In mediation we were able to mediate a little more time with the kids (4/14 nights), hooray!  

While we were very happy to have the kids more, his ex would inevitably forget to pack school clothes for the kids, or underwear, or forget their school backpacks. Instead of encouraging more time and building a relationship with their dad, she just seemed to want make things difficult.

Soon after we moved back to Utah, Ben and I went to a fireside for activity days that Ayzha invited us to attend.  At the end, Ayz asked her dad to drive her home, just 2 blocks away.  Ben told Ayzha she would need to ask her mom first, who denied Ayzha's request stating that it was "her time to have the kids."  This blew our minds.  This kind of heart breaking behavior became the norm.  Ben or the kids would ask for more time and his ex would repeatedly deny their requests.  It was damaging to the kids that his ex chose to be so controlling and inflexible.

During this time, she also began dropping off the kids at her convenience.  She had been asked repeatedly to bring them over at a certain time (for good reasons), but she disregarded our requests so she could drop them off and go to her pilates classes or other things. We began to notice this pattern.  She placed her desires and hobbies over the best interest of our kids.  Her selfishness was very frustrating.

Repeatedly, for years, Ben's requests for more time and interaction with his children were denied until she married her current husband.  Once remarried, she regularly wanted us to take the kids more.  The requests we made for more time with the kids were denied, but when it benefitted her, she expected us to take them.  Even when Ben wasn't home she would drop off the kids with me.  She treated me like I was her free personal babysitter.  Don't get me wrong, we were happy to have the kids, but her treatment of us was disrespectful.

Another issue we have had with Ben's ex is that she doesn't co-parent.  She seems to feel that she owns the kids and has the right to make unilateral decisions about them.  She shows Ben no respect as their father.  She wants his money, but doesn't value his thoughts and ideas. She doesn't discuss with him important decisions in the lives of their children.  Because the kids are with her most of the time, she likes to use "final decision making power" without even including Ben in the decision making process or listening to what Ben has to say. Her favorite weapon against Ben is the silent treatment, which is widely regarded as a form of emotional manipulation and even psychological abuse.  This kind of behavior has continued for a decade.  No father should ever have to deal with the kind of abuse of power exhibited by his children's mother.

Thank you Utah, for passing SB 122! There is no reason that good dads should not have equal time and influence in the lives of their children. We're sad that this wasn't passed 10 years ago, but at least it will benefit dads going forward.